Tuesday, December 29, 2015

First official act as a Los Angelino

Since I've been here, this has got to be top 5 of crazy shit I've seen.

I woke up late and left late, as usual. Cupcakin on the phone. I'm getting way too old for that shit. Next time, I'm hanging up first! 

Anyway, I am notorious for not wanting to make 3 point turns. Especially at Zero Dark Thirty, So I basically went the back way to get to the main street that takes me to the 110. (Why do we Californians say "The" before the Interstate number?) 

I'm driving, and I get to King Boulevard. I have to make a left turn. I see a car sitting on the wrong side of the street with their blinker on. My first thought was, Oh, it was probably an elderly person and they thought this street had a turning lane. This street does not. 

Our light changed to green, and the people on the opposite side of the street were waiting for the person to turn. They didn't move. I start to panic. You guys know me well enough by now to know that I constantly have movie scenarios running through my head. At this point, I'm thinking Speed. A bus is coming and going to smash the living shit out of this car! And I'm going to witness it! Worse yet, I have not had my coffee! 

There was a person in the car... asleep. Really, bitch? I'm tryina get to work and your crack head ass is asleep in the car? ON THE DAMN ROAD?!?!?!

So I did what most normal, concerned citizens would do. I called 911. 

I forgot that they ask directional questions. Northbound, southbound type shit. I am horrible with directions. I have an ex that was in the navy. He used to yell at me because I couldn't "Feel the directional pull when facing north." Nigga, what? I don't even know what that means. Anyway, so she's asking me questions. I said, "Look, I'm on King, headed towards the 110 south, I'm going to pass USC. I've already passed the dispensary, Popeyes, and the Car Wash. I don't know what else you want from me." 

After we kinda figured out the logistics, I asked her if anyone else had called this in. She was looking for other calls as we were speaking and didn't see any. I don't know if I was the first or the only, but what I do know is that situations like that are where innocent people end up hurt. 

Overall, I love my city. I mean, I'm from here, but I grew up in the suburbs. Living in L.A. is a different experience. 

Bring it on, damnit. I'm ready.