Friday, May 15, 2015

Stuntin' ass Uber Drivers

I had the craziest Uber ride yesterday. I felt like an extra in Fast and the Furious. This dude was taking all kinds of short cuts, dirt roads, military bridges… I’ve lived in San Diego for a long time, and I had never seen at least 5 street names we were on.

I’m normally a commuter bus rider but yesterday is was raining cats and dogs. They say it never rains in southern California but they lied.  So anyway I get in the Uber, and dude had a Serbian accent… at least I think it was. They’re always the bad guys in Liam Neeson movies. Anyway, he asks me my name and I told him. He turned around and looked at me and said “Buckle up” or “Good Luck” I can’t be sure in retrospect but either would have been fitting.  All I could hear is that song… you know, “Oh, don’t do it… Oh my God.”

Man, a sista was scurrd. I looked up, and he was texting his homeboy in Serbian that he was on his way. On his way where? I was praying it wasn’t an arms deal.  Is my house the rendezvous point? Can y’all set that shit up for an undisclosed location? Am I your alibi? Questions that need answers.  I got warrants. I can’t be with sketchy people, man. Then I noticed he was checking his email. He was writing an air bnb review… WHILST DRIVING! I’m all for multitasking, but dude… It’s raining. And how many business does this guy own? Uber driver, Air BNB host, black market arms dealer, maybe a terrorist on the side. Jesus Christ!
And I’m all for saving a buck. So by all means, take the short cuts, access roads, etc. Just keep me out this rain. But the way he was hitting those brakes? It was almost light showers inside the damn car. You know that part on a roller coaster when you’re going up and your body settles back into the seat? Anticipating the drop that you know is coming and you’re a little excited for? Imagine that in stop and go rainy traffic. I’m just glad I was blessed with a strong bladder

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